


kalopsia

by orphan_account



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: 1980s, Alternate Universe, Canon Gay Relationship, Eating Disorders, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Endgame Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Losers Club (IT) Friendship, M/M, Reddie Fairytales (IT), Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier is a Mess, Self-Harm, Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll, Sexual Content, So much kissing, Soft Eddie Kaspbrak, Suicidal Thoughts, Teenage Losers Club (IT), affectionate in public, eddie is 19 as of that november, no henry bowers, no homophobes bc that annoys me, richie is 18 as of that november but 19 in march, sex n making out in the car, smut wjhfowf, soft relationship but also very touchy mwah, theyre legal, very public relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:54:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23475013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "you're going to be the death of me, Kaspbrak."
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. lacuna

**Author's Note:**

> download this to your books app so its easier ! press download and choose epub , go to downloads in the corner, click on it and press the file . 
> 
> leave kudos and maybe some comments it makes me feel motivated :,)
> 
> please read the tags ! i write some triggering things as i went/go through what i write in richie n eddie . its a healthier coping mechanism . 
> 
> theres a lot of kissing and sex but theyre 18 
> 
> if you're not comfy w s/h , ed , sex , drugs , making out (a lot) maybe don't read ?

_**November 14, 1987** _

At the ends of the land, where the water pounds against the coastal rocks, sits Richie Tozier at a bench, at the top of the view. An 18 year old thin, white boy with curly black hair and glasses thicker than a bike tire, awarded towns most hated, all from the way he talks and acts. Watching the sky change hues from orange and pink, to grey and navy blue, parting his shivering lips to inhale the last pleasurable take of nicotine in cheap paper. Richie breathed out the final cloud of warm smoke, sighing heavily afterward. He simply flicked the small cigarette off the ledge he sat behind once he was done.

It wouldn't be so terrible as everyone made it seem to jump off, take in all the air breezing past your hair as you fall through the jump. Just leaving it all behind you. Unable to fill the empty void inside you, so you just sink into a deeper, darker one. But Richie had better plans. 

Richie preferred to kill time at the quarry, but today was different. He craved the chilling wind that gave his arms goosebumps, the slight mist that shed on you when the tides crept up on the rocks, the sun that slowly set to wake up the other side of the world. Richie made his way to the beaten-down, blue Silverado his dad bought a few years back. 

His new black Vans made a loud heel-like noise anytime he walked, like the type his mother wears all the time. Richie opened the door to the truck, the leather seats made the atmosphere even colder. The start up was... slow, but that was common with this car, its been through everything. He simply can't get home without The Cure blasting his speakers out. 

Richies fingers drummed lightly on the steering wheel to the rhythm of the song, small head shakes so he wouldn't lose too much focus from the road. The scenery was nothing like he'd seen before in Derry, small peaks and hills in the distance amassed by trees, the sky still dark, with some sort of light coming from below. He'd probably seen this a million times though, lived there all his life in a small town where not much happened. Though it all comes to an end, as Richie parks on the driveway of the Tozier residency. The lanyard with keys and keychains on the other end jingled as he struggled to open the old, creaky door. 

With a deep squeak and unnecessarily loud noises from the door, Richie entered his small, humble home. "I'm home," he speaks lowly as he hung the lanyard on the key hooks. A woman with long, dark brown hair, peeks her head out of the kitchens corner. "Hi, Rich," she speaks enthusiastically to her son, walking quickly toward him. Richie hugged her from the side and placed a small kiss on her head. 

"How was it at Bills?" she asks Richie, walking back toward the kitchen with Richie following her to the counter. Oh Bill, he was Richies best friend. His best friend since 4th grade, it'd felt like forever. Bill was always Richies companion, his auburn hair and graphic tees, and the stutter he had since he was younger that Richie felt like brought tension to any conversation, like a mystery were to be solved if he got that word out. Unassumingly, Richie had to deal with it, because a best friend doesn't matter what you do or say, so the way he talks shouldn't matter. Just like the way Bill doesn't care what Richie says or does, either, as long as its not illegal or getting himself hurt.

"Fun," Richie says blandly, swinging a cup from the cupboard for lemonade, as he spent all day by the beach and not _actually_ at Bills. Maggie dismisses Richies demeanor, he's had it for a while and refuses to talk on it. She rightfully admits she thinks its just the weather. The front door soon unlocks a second time, with Richies father, Wentworth, walking through. That man was a whopping 6'4, strong masculine man... the only physical quality Richie got from his father on that aspect was the height. 

Saying hello to his wife and son quickly, and returning to work in the garage; as always. Richie and his mother were always close, he liked it that way. Sooner or later, he was doing the same thing his father was, shut out in his room. Except he staring up at the ceiling after blowing clouds of marijuana out the window, the usual Saturday evening. With Richie alone in his room with his thoughts, he just wanted to be anywhere else _but_ here. He didnt mind his family. He loved them. But something different in his life, please, for once. Something exciting. 

* * *

Richie usually sits alone in his room in the middle of the night listening to Queen, sketching a person or scenery. Drawing was his favorite. He worked at the local gas station, he sort of liked how quaint it was. His boss gave him the easy way, as he was the youngest employee. Richies breaks were a sneaked way to the rooftop and cigarettes. Which were quiet, cars and the exhaust passing through every few minutes, and birds singing faintly. Birds. He loved the thought of them, the sight of them, the sound of them, their freedom... but no one loved them more than Stan Uris. 

Stan Uris was another friend, he was quieter than the others, but thats what made Stan himself. He's the one that got Richie into drawing, after his 7th grade downfall, Stan gave him things to cope with, drawing being the most dependable and helpful. Stan had light brown, curly hair, with deep or pastel button-ups and usually khakis, always put himself together no matter what. He was incredibly smart, too. Stan knew this and that from North to South and East to West. And as much as Stan denied it, Richie influenced some humor into the boy. 

The light breeze outside made its way to being audible, a comforting sweep sound. Richie could leave the house with just leaving a note, but where would he go? The remainder of Maine was, quite honestly, nothing. An 8 hour drive to New York? New Hampshire was another option but, what was there to do in New Hampshire, anyway? Richie didnt have enough money for a plane trip. So what the fuck was the point in even thinking to go?

It'd already started snowing late October. This time period was his favorite, but Richies mood would switch on and off like crazy. The desperation for something more irked him, it made his skin crawl.

But what was the desperation for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcum 2 kalopsia . where its a craZZZ slowburn romance book . tho i tried hard to not make it like every other reddie fic out there , w this being drafted in 2017 and my shitty writing never got a grip , it was just deleted constantly . but i promise its good .
> 
> enjoy


	2. pittsburgh, pennsylvania

_**Monday** _

"You're a mess, Beverly!" Mike Hanlon laughed out, making everyone else at the Losers Club lunch table laugh, too. She snorted so roughly, the water she was drinking beforehand, came out of her nose. Richie shook his head as he tried harder by the second to keep his cool, "I don't get it," he chuckled lightly. Beverly blinked her crystal eyes and took a few deep breaths before moving her fiery hair. "Marilyn Monroe was murdered!" she repeated, earning groans and eye rolls from the others. 

"I think that Kennedy hired someone to like poison her because the affair and she knew _so_ much shit about him his view on being president would be fucked over." Beverly said, Richie groaned and ran his fingers through his hair. "She got some dick and probably, I don't know, didnt know what to do so she just accidentally took too many meds and... died," Richie disagreed, his leg bouncing up and down fast. 

Ben snorted loudly, putting the grey bracelet he was fiddling with down. Stan looked away, resisting the urge to smile, and continued eating his lunch. Richie caught his eye, "Cmon, Stanny, it doesn't hurt to laugh at Bevs density!" he jokes, earning a nudge on the arm from Beverly. Stan rolled his eyes and smiled quickly. 

The laughter and chatter fell low as the bell for 3rd period rang. They soon split from each other down different halls and rooms. Richie had this class alone, and surprisedly, he was terrible at chemistry. "Now, what happens if a base is added to a buffered solution?" Mr. Taeson questioned his class, all but silence rose, with uncomfortable moving and pencil tapping during the 28 second pause. Mr. Taeson looked around the room, and as he got to the left corner, Richies hand rose slowly.

The door swung open, heads turning into the direction of the noise. "I am so, so, _so_ sorry." someone from the door said, probably a student. Richies attention averted to the soft voice. By the door stood a short, messy curled, tanned boy. His doe eyes attempted to avoid his embarrassment by not looking at the class in front of him, but couldn't. His cheeks flushed red, enhancing the small freckles scattered along his cheeks and nose; like constellations. Richie smiled, "New kid," he said abruptly, earning everyone elses attention to none other, Richie Tozier. 

"you uh, kinda interrupted me here." he laughed, the boys cheeks only reddened. He walked up to the teacher with a yellow sheet, assumingely his schedule. Mr. Taeson nodded shortly and smiled brightly, "New student, everyone. Edw-" Mr. Taeson began to introduce him, "Eddie," the boy corrected him, "Ah, Eddie Kah- mm, Kaspbrak. Give him a break, Tozier." Mr. Taeson finished speaking, and smiled to Richie and Eddie. 

Eddie took a seat in the front, just to shake off the eyes on him. "Richie, you were going to answer?" Mr. Taeson asked. "Yes, the base reacts with the H3O positive and it removes it from the solution and the equilibrium will shift right to adjust and make more, mmm, make more H3O positive." Richie answered, getting a few stares from across the room. Like their mindsets were, _oh, Richie Tozier doesn't **actually** know that. _

"Very well," Mr. Taeson briefly complimented. And so, class went on as scheduled. Not for Richie Tozier. He kept glancing at Eddie, what fun of a friend he'd be. Super cute too. Everything was like Richies thoughts were the only thing audible, all other noises clouded up, making his focus be on that new kid that interrupted him, Eddie. 

* * *

Eddie unlocked the front door, welcomed by the smell of lavender and coffee, a disgusting mix. "Hi, momma," he said quietly to the woman reclined in the living room. "Hi, Eddiebear! How was your first day?" she asked, eager to know. Sonia struggled to get off of the sofa, but once she did, she hugged Eddie tight. 

"Good," he lied, it wasn't good at all. He was late to most of his classes, ate lunch alone, and got called out by this random kid in his chemistry class. All it was, was his first day of senior year at Derry High, he'd probably have friends by next week. He had so many in Pittsburgh, it was simpler down there- nicer, to say the least. Eddie and his mom had barely moved in that previous week, boxes still lying around everywhere, but Sonia couldn't care less if nothing but the couch and TV were set up.

Eddie kept things brief with Sonia for the past few years. Though, with doctor appointments every 4 months, it was hard. Eddie made his way to the quaint room at the end of the hall, where walls stood empty and pale. His room wasn't any more organized than the majority of the house, boxes with decor and unbuilt furniture splayed out, only his bed and bookshelf filled with vinyls and books and figures, things he enjoyed. 

He put his backpack down in the corner, looked around, and decided to unpack; decorate. Eddie made his turquoise and mango-orange checkered bedding, finally. Some posters of Micheal Jackson, Madonna, Elton John, The Beatles, Queen- god, almost anything.

He made his way to decorating polaroids from Pittsburgh and his friends, he missed them dearly. Eddie was nearly done with his room, just the small things; like curtains far too large for the small and squared window pane, his clock he had no clue how to set up, and the disgusting rug from years ago he chose not to put out.

There was nothing that could compare Eddies exhaustion. He gently fell asleep, on the bed he had recently done. All Eddie wished at the time given, was to be back in Pennsylvania, not this letdown town that did nothing good but give easy access to a new pharmacy. 

Unfortunately, the grey watch that rested on his wrist beeped obnoxiously, indicating the scheduled hour for his medication. _beepbeepbeepbeep- beepbeepbeepbeep_. Eddie sat up in irritation that his rest was disrupted, with drool spread on his forearm, wiping it on is shirt completely and, utterly carelessly.

So, he made his way to the bathroom, across his room and right beside the garage. Of course the bathroom had been fully set up, all for Eddies prescribed medicine and essential toiletries. He groggily reached for the medicine cabinet, cluttered with vitamins, anti-whatever, and basic treatments he'd been prescribed with since he was a younger child.

Down his throat went one, two, three, four, and in dissolved one, two, and three. Placing them back where they belonged, he checked the time, 6:29pm, he supposed he could eat a small dinner, shower, read, and fall right back asleep.

He did, just toast with butter spread on the crumbling bread. They didnt have a lot of food yet, putting off going grocery shopping and bringing back takeout. _129 calories._ Eddie felt nothing but guilt. _It was just a slice of bread... with butter_. The demons in his head argued. Eddie put it aside, ignoring the gurgle in his stomach.

Eddie showered, weaker and slower than before. Raking his hands through his soaked hair tiredly. He spun the shower nob until it sputtered water every few seconds. Eddie stepped out of the shower, steam emerging onto his face when the curtain was scrunched up. The towel around his waist was warm and humid, making him want to puke at the uncomfortable feeling.

He cleared the mirrors fog, and towel-dried his hair. Eddie examined the mirror, staring at the tired boy with purple under eyes that sunk into his face, wearing a stupid SuperMan graphic tee and basketball shorts. He exhaled sharply and looked down at the sink, and began brushing his teeth. 

Eddie lay lifelessly in his bed, staring up at the 4 men posed on his ceiling, Roger, Brian, John, and of course, Freddie. He prayed everyday to see them live at least once in his lifetime. 

With nothing but white noise and a lava lamp in the far corner of his faintly lit room, he fell asleep again. And his body felt distant, his mind felt empty. Like nothing in life was actually _his_ anymore. It was hell. Fucking hell. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> give eddie sum luv :(
> 
> yes its 2am and I have nothing better to do but write and cry mwah


	3. football game

Richie intended to be a little tardy to chemistry that next day, try to sit next to Eddie. He took another lap around the hallway so he would be the one to sit next to Eddie, no one would want to sit next to Tozier. 

The classroom door was wide open, a minute to spare before you were tardy- oh well. Richie scanned the room for the familiar boy- and there he was, in the very back. Richie took long strides towards the far end of the room. He sat down comfortably next to Eddie. 

"Hey, Eddie!" Richie exclaimed. Eddie looked up confused, "Hi?" he questioned, it wasn't really expected from Eddie to be approached by a boy who humiliated him on his first day. Eddie knew Richie didn't- but it felt like it. 

"Its alright if I sit here?" Richie asked. 

"I mean, you're already sitting." Eddie laughed lightly, spinning his pencil between his fingers.

So, from that day forward, they were lab partners; friends, for 3 days. They hardly talked outside of chem, which was inconvenient. They both wished the other would ask to sit with each other at lunch, or grab food somewhere. 

It was only 90 minutes with each other. The fuck? Obviously there was more time craved. With those 3 days of just chem, Eddie prayed to god and swore to himself he didn't find Richie the most attractive, kind-hearted, smartest, and obnoxiously hilarious boy he'd ever met. Eddie didn't want to have a crush on him, a boy. 

Oh, what was the harm? Eddie knew he was gay in the summer of 8th grade when him and an old friend went to a community pool- and Eddie wondered why he kept staring at his body. Yet, of course, it wasn't socially acceptable. The most he could to with it was wear short-shorts during the summer.

On Thursday, was when Richie asked. "Theres a football game tomorrow night, you wanna go?" 

Eddie looked up from the empty table, "With you?" he asked as he furrowed his eyebrows. Richie scoffed, "Duh, Eds." Eddie wasn't very fond of the nickname, but it made Richie happy, he liked Richie happy even if he'd never seen the 'bad' side. That Friday was the last day before Thanksgiving break, which was just a week off. The glum atmosphere invited itself. 

* * *

Eddie agreed on Richie taking him to a fast-food place, only getting a Dr. Pepper, while Richie explained how terrible the food that the school sold at games was. "Theres no way you're eating _that_." Eddie said, glaring at the onion rings Richie pulled out of the bag. 

"Wha-? They're good," Richie mumbled as he popped a few in his mouth. Eddie rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but smile. "Ya got Queen?" Eddie asked as he stared out the window, watching shops and trees pass by quickly. 

Richie hummed in response and pointed at the glove department, stuffed with tons of cassette tapes. Eddies eyes nearly bulged out his head when he saw that Richie had everything. Though, out of everything, playing _Good Old Fashion Lover Boy_. 

They happily sang along together, imitating guitar riffs and background vocals. Eddie chuckled, "So, since when did you like football?" he asked as Richie pulled into the schools parking lot, packed with many other cars and students running around. 

"I don't know if I should take that as an insult," Richie joked, considering how thin he was and obviously unathletic. 

Eddie raised his arms in defense, "No, no, no no! It was just a question." he smiled worryingly. Richie shut the car off and turned to Eddie, "Baby, I know you would neh-vah talk to me like that." Richie winked and kissed his fingers and patted Eddies head. 

The sky had become darker, with lilac purple shadowing the clouds that eased their way to spread out. But, god, was it freezing. Eddie was welcomed by a gust of wind as he shut the car door to meet Richie on the other side. 

"Mike, my friend, he's on the team with Ben. Thats the reason I like football." Richie finally answered. Eddie looked up at Richie, it felt like a drastic height difference, but it wasn't. Richie was nearly six feet tall, and Eddie only around five foot seven or nine. 

But he nodded, and then paused, "You're friends with Mike and Ben?" Eddie questioned surprised, "Mhm," Richie mumbled, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jean jacket. Eddie thought for a second, and proceeded to walk next to Richie, their hands lightly touching, and paying no mind to it. 

Richie spotted a small spot at the very top of the bleachers, surrounded by groups of people. He looked down at Eddie, who was a few steps below, and gestured to follow him up. So, he did, like a dog and a fucking owner. 

Mike scored another point, Richie standing up and cheering his friend on loudly. Eddie looked at him while he clapped from his seat. When Richie sat back down, Eddie smiled at him with his mouth open, and they just stared at each other. _Fuck he's cute_ , Richie thought, then said out loud.

"Eds, you gotta be the cutest boy I've ever seen." Richie said it so casually, Eddie closed his mouth and kept the smile, nodding his head to the side as if to say 'I mean, hey' and wink. Richie nudged his shoulder softly, smiling. Eddie, being small, almost completely fell to his side, but quite dramatically. 

Richie chuckled and lightly grasped Eddies shoulders to support him upright. Eddie looked down, "Jesus, your hands are huge," he giggled, grabbing them and comparing sizes, _that_ was a drastic difference. 

For the first time since sophomore year, Richie didn't even pay attention to the game, cheers subconsciously playing as he joked and laughed with Eddie the remainder of the game. Derry High won, again, not a surprise. 

* * *

"Alrighty, ass-brak," Richie began, Eddie physically cringed at the nickname. _Please don't make it permanent_ , Eddie thought. "out ya go." Richie sighed unsatisfied. Eddie noticed, "Whats wrong?" he asked concerned.

"I am going to miss that face so much," Richie said honestly. Eddie giggled and rolled his eyes, "and that laugh, I could listen to that on repeat everyday." Richie smiled. Eddie blushed, he felt his heart pumping out of his chest a million miles a second. The butterflies that resided in his stomach were going absolutely crazy, want something to ease on.

"Call me," Eddie offered, pulling his bag up to his chest and reaching for a pen and paper. He briefly wrote his home phone down, so Richie wouldn't helplessly struggle looking though the phonebook. 

He handed him the paper and mouthed 'thank you' and blew a cheesy kiss once he shut the door. This boy was head over heels already, someone he'd barely met a few days ago. 

Richie couldn't sleep that night, it'd been around two in the morning when Eddies yellow telephone rang, too loudly as it was _late_ , and his reading was interrupted.

"Hello?" Eddie whispered when he answered the phone. 

"Eddie!" Richie exclaimed, "I miss you already," he said on the other line.

"You recognized my voice that quick?" Eddie asked, hearing a small laugh.

"Couldn't miss it for the world," Richie said, smiling through the phone.

They talked complete nonsense until the clock hit 4:27, Eddie was more than tired. "Okay, Rich, I gotta let you go, I'm tired." Eddie yawned. And the call was ended, Eddie never wanted to keep something to himself so badly. 

Eddie wanted Richie more than a friend, but unfortunately, it took time. 


	4. you're going to be the death of me, kaspbrak

Richie and Eddie were calling each other non-stop that week- had to have been at least twice a day. "I can... sneak through your window, like in the movies." Richie said through the phone, twirling the cord as his insides were going crazy. "If my mom sees you, Richie-" Eddie protested, whisper-yelling.

Richie rolled his eyes, "Ive seen your mom plenty of times, Eds. Don't worry about it." Richie reassured. Eddie only huffed, "What if w-w-we get caught an-and my mom kicks you ow-out and I won't eh-ever see you again?" Eddie worried, stammered and breathing heavily.

"We see each other at school," Richie laughed. "on my way. See ya in a few." Richie finished the conversation and hung up. Eddie sighed and giggled lightly. He was anxious, not about anything else- just getting caught with Richie Tozier in his room. The truck made a low roaring noise when it was shut off across the street.

Richie took his casual, long strides to the side of the house where Eddies room stood. He tapped it lightly, startling Eddie from the vibrations. Eddie widened his eyes and ran over to open the window, "Richie!" he whispered as he lifted the window. Richie rested his hchin on top of his hands that were on the bottom rim of the window, "Hey, Eds," he smiled beamingly.

Eddie looked behind him to his room, the smaller boy put his hands out to help Richie get through. Eddie stumbled through his words as Richie stood up straight in his own fucking bedroom. Richie looked around, "Nice, its nice," he nodded, "oh, you like Queen?" Richie asked as he looked up and saw the poster above the bed, along with countless vinyls around.

"Keep it down," Eddie laughed, laying on his back on the bed, he hummed in response to the question, eyeing around his room, too. "Eddiebear," his mothers voice called down the hall, her heavy footsteps getting closer. Eddie shot up from the bed, his eyes wide. Richie raised his eyebrows at 'Eddiebear'. "Closet." Eddie demanded quietly. Richie ran to it as Eddie shoved him down and put his fingers against his lips, "please be quiet," he whispered and shut the door.

Sonia opened the door, Eddies eyes still wide and heart racing like Dale Earnhardt. "Im going out for some groceries, might be a while." she began, checking the time on her watch, "Do you want to come with me?" she asked Eddie. 

Eddie shook his head, "I have homework I gotta catch up on some stuff," he lied. Sonia nodded and proceeded to leave. Eddie waiting until he heard the car make its way down the road, you couldn't really miss the old cars engine.

"Can I come out now?" Richie said suddenly, Eddie sort of forgot he had been in his closet, just sitting there. "Yes, oh gosh, sorry." Eddie apologized.

"Its okay, _Eddiebear_." Richie teased as he made his way out. Eddie rolled his eyes and almost gagged, "Don't," he warned. Richie sat on Eddies bed and examined the smaller boy in front of him, from head to toe. All Eddie did was shut the closet door- his back facing Richie. When he turned around, he grew a small smile.

"You okay?" Eddie questioned, staring into Richies soft brown eyes. God, he'd get lost in them any day. 

Richie didn't answer, Eddie walked toward the bed and rested on Richies lap. The blue hoodie gave support and comfort against Richies knee. 

Eddie looked at Richies lips, and licked his own. Then returned to his eyes in silence. It felt like slow motion, as Eddie leaned upwards, kissing Richie on the mouth and straddling him. 

Richie had been wanting this for days. 

He melted into it, kissing him back passionately. Richie raised his arms to grip Eddies hair, bringing him closer. Eddie whimpered as their lips stayed connected, slipping tongue eventually. Richie adored that, wanting him to keep making these noises that made him go insane. 

Eddie laid Richie down, still straddling him, simply enjoying the smell of cigarettes Richie reeked of. "You're going to be the death of me, Kaspbrak." Richie mumbled between the kiss. He popped a boner seconds into the kiss, he wanted the hoodie Eddie wore off. Richie tried distracting his mind and grasped Eddies waist.

Eddie gripped Richies curls hard, as the taller boy made his way to Eddies neck, making him purple in the right places. Eddie groaned, resting his head on Richies- it was easier access, honestly. Richies hands made their way to Eddies ass, heavily breathing. 

The air was cold, but that wasn't the only thing giving the two boys goosebumps. Eddie pulled away slowly, his lips red and swollen, neck completely attacked, and his dick hard. "How are you even more perfect," Richie said, not as a question- clearly a statement. His glasses slightly crooked and his hair everywhere, as if it wasn't before.

Time only passed with getting hypnotized in each others eyes, it wasn't disappointing either. Eddie bit his lip and fixed Richies glasses below him. "Think you can stay?" Eddie asked, his hands resting on Richies chest. 

Richie opened his mouth and gasped sarcastically, "Eds is disobeying his mother for me to stay and subconsciously pleading to destroy me, or vice versa." he winked.

Sure it'd only been a week, but fuck was the sexual tension there. Eddie rolled next to Richie on his back, placing his small hand on the taller boys thigh- pretty high up. Eddie looked at him, making it a genuine question. Richie looked at him, and sighed out, "I got dinner with my family tomorrow," Richie explained sadly. 

Eddie nodded slowly, "Okay, what time do you have to leave?" he asked, beginning to look down at Richies lips again. Richie shrugged, "Whenever." he replied honestly. Only to look at Eddie furrowing his eyebrows, "Just stay here and lay with me forever." 

Richie wanted Eddie on top of him again, grabbing at his hair, whispering his name in his ear while his neck his attacked with purple and deep pink marks. The harmonious laughter was shared, stories, stares, and the impatient desire to want to hold one another. 

But Richie had to leave before Sonia got home. Eddie was simply all Richie could think about, and Richie was all Eddie could think about. 

"What are you so smiley about?" Maggie asked as Richie walked past her in the living room. "Nothing," he lied shortly, making his way to the couch and sitting next to his mother. 

Richie opened his mouth to say something, but he didn't. "Just... _wow_." he sighed out. Maggie raised her eyebrows, turning over to face her son, "You okay?" she asked concerned. "Its just- god- agh, h- ugh- he's so- oh my god, y'know?" he was at a loss of words to describe what he did with Eddie, and Eddie in a whole.

She knew Richie was gay, she didnt mind it. Maggie spoke to him when he told her that there were so many artists that were, and it was okay, that you couldn't really control it. So, for Richie, it wasn't a problem to talk about boys the way he does. 

* * *

"Eddie, why is your window open?" Sonias voice boomed from Eddies room to the living room where he sat watching Dirty Dancing. "The heater was too high, I got hot." Eddie lied, adjusting his position nervously, scared she'd question why the room smelled like cigarettes- she figured it was just the outside odor.

"You know how sick you can get! Especially during this time!" she shouted, making her way to Eddie and lecture him. "I'm sorry, momma." Eddie apologized annoyed, turning the TV off, trying to get to his room.

"You don't do anything right, Eddie. I ask for nothing, _nothing._ " Sonia exclaimed upset. "Get out of my face." she insisted, taking over the TV. 

Eddie just wanted Richie, he made him feel whole again, human- just hearing his voice was enough. But not right now. That night, Eddie lay in his bed, his mind running with thoughts of what he'd do with Richie when everything was okay, when his mom was out of his life and it was just them, Eddie and Richie, Richie and Eddie. The boy he liked so fucking much it ached his heart. 


	5. I will fuck your life up

_**Wednesday** _

The Derry High students and staff were back to school from Thanksgiving week, back to school for nothing particularly fun or to look forward to. Back to sad winter days. 

Eddie giggled and rubbed his eyes, "Richie stop saying that!" he pleaded while he kept laughing, laughing felt so good. "I have the song, pop it in." Richie said as he calmed. The shorter boy shook his head in the passenger seat, crossing his arms. So, Richie did it himself, putting Eddie My Love on happily. Eddie rolled his eyes and couldn't help but smile at Richie humming to it.

"Anyway, you sure you don't want anything?" Richie asked Eddie, as earlier, Eddie insisted he didn't want anything. He shook his head, only getting a look from Richie. 

"Come on, Eds, I'll get you anything you want. I hardly see you eat anytime we're out for lunch." Richie frowned, tapping the steering wheel and moving closer in line to order. Eddie hesitated, he didn't really eat anything recently, a banana for breakfast that morning was all, he gave in and nodded, "Just a chicken quesadilla," 

Richie nodded, and drove up to order. He didn't order a lot this time, surprisingly. All in all, they ate and laughed, of course. They didnt know what they were, just friends with benefits? It was tiring, waiting for something to happen between them, it was all just rushing what they wanted. "Chem time, Eds." Richie said as they returned to the school parking lot. Eddie groaned, "I don't wanna go, can we just... skip the rest of the day?" he asked, placing his hand on top of Richies.

It was shocking, Eddie wanting to skip. "Oh, Eds, what have I done to you?" Richie asked rhetorically, his hand placed under Eddies jaw. The taller boy leaned in and pecked Eddie on the lips softly. "Where we goin, baby?" he questioned, backing out of the lot. "Moms home," Eddie began, "yours." 

They made their way to the Tozier residence, sneaking in to make sure no one was home- thankfully, no one was. Without hesitation, Eddie crashed into Richie, tumbling on the bed. Richies hands snaked up Eddies back, gripping his sweater. 

Eddie began tugging Richies curls roughly, the sloppy and wet noises echoed throughout the room. The smaller boy on top slowly started to grind his hips, making Richie groan in the kiss. Richies hands met Eddies ass, moving rhythmically. 

"Off," Richie mumbled, tugging Eddies yellow sweater. The smaller boy pulled a way for a short moment and pulled it over his head, revealing his protruding ribs and collarbone. Eddie helped Richie pull his off, too. He was inches away from Richie, until the taller boys eyes drew down to thick, lighter lines on Eddies forearm. Scars. Most of them seemed older, barely healing. Richie knew what healing scars looked like from his own experience. 

Richie pushed Eddie off slowly and softly, looking at how gorgeous Eddie was, but confused. "Something wrong?" Eddie asked, pulling his knees up to his chest to cover his broad bones. Richie pointed at Eddies arm, "That, what is that?" he questioned quietly, but he knew damn well what it was. He reached to pull Eddies arm out, only for it to be pulled back.

"Eds," Richie quietly whispered, his voice nearly cracking. Tears sprung into Eddies eyes, wanting to go back in time where he didnt become friends with Richie; when Eddie didnt exist in Richies life. Richie raised his eyebrows and licked his lips, scared to say the least; scared of what Eddie had been doing to himself and what he could do. 

This made Richie angry, how the fuck could someone so special to him and someone so precious get this in return of life.

No, no, no, no. 

Richie bit his bottom lip, staring at Eddie- as always. He wanted to say something, but he was at a loss of words. He didnt know what to say, how to approach it. 

"Its ugly, I know Rich..." Eddie mumbled into his knee, wiping his eye. Richie shook his head quickly and made his way to Eddies side, "No, no its not Eds, no way. They're the most beautiful things ever," Richie comforted him, pulling him closer and kissing the top of Eddies head. Eddie sniffed and laid on Richies lap.

"You wanna talk about it?" Richie asked, running his long fingers through Eddies curls. "I just..." Eddie paused, "I feel so stuck sometimes, so restricted, so... sad. So empty, so lost, so unworthy, useless, stupid, too careful, too scared, too dramatic, too angry, too sensitive." he expressed himself, and Richie listened carefully. 

"We all do, Eds. We all feel like shit. You just have to get back up and try again, no matter how dirty your hands are from the fall." 

"Okay, mister poet," Eddie laughed out a sob. He finally sat up and kissed Richies cheek. They were both a little disappointed at their unfinished business, but how do you recover from that? That sort of talk to making out and dry humping?

"Do you wanna go outside? I can bring my Polaroid." Richie suggested, throwing Eddies sweater on himself, giving Eddie his white hoodie. 

The duo walked outside, cold weather surrounding them as the sun started to set. They took as many pictures as they could of each other, having so much fun just outside Richies house- it didnt matter if they weren't anywhere special; it was Derry, what was fun there, anyway?

"Shit," Eddie muttered as he checked his watch, it read 4:51pm, he was supposed to be home a while ago. "You can't stay? Say you're sleeping over at Bills to study for exams," Richie shrugged, pacing around the street because he couldn't stay still- ever.

Eddie rolled his eyes and broke a grin, "I have better things to do."

"Like me,"

"Richie-"

"Is what you'll be screaming all night."

* * *

Sonia let him through, saying she expects to see a good score on it. Richies parents still weren't home, probably out partying like usual. He liked when they were out, when he had the home all to himself. Eddie laid on Richies bed, in his big t-shirt and sweatpants that were rolled at the waist many times. 

"Eds," Richie began, this usually meant he was being pretty serious about something, and it made Eddies heart flutter. "Whadda ya wanna be?" he asked Eddie, who was below him now. 

"Depends," Eddie said, looking at Richies lips, dragging his thumb over the taller boys bottom lip and softly grabbing his jaw. "what do _you_ want to be?" he questioned back. 

_Yours. Yours. I want to hold you in my arms under the stars and love you for you forever, till the last time we touch each other, till I breathe my last breath, till I share my final kiss with you, till I say my final goodbye._ Richie thought to himself. "Yours."

Eddie smiled, trying to tear his eyes from Richies bare chest. Richie cocked an eyebrow, asking for a response. "I've been wanting to be yours since the day you embarrassed me on my first day." Eddie confessed, placing his hands on Richies hips. 

"I will fuck your life up." Richie said deeply, he smirked before the same lips connected with Eddies below him. The boy below wrapped his arms around Richies neck, wanting to feel every inch of him. Richie pulled back, to go back to Eddies neck, right below his jaw. He whined the way he did when it was first done, the way Richie loved the noise. 

The night ended in hickies, swollen lips, and crooked glasses. Though, it wasn't very late- the time they fell asleep. Richie held Eddie, tracing circles on the hand he held from behind him. It all felt like a dream, being with each other felt like a missing puzzle piece all this time. 

They loved every second with each other, they were happier.


	6. roller rink

School had finally ended that week, it was draining and exhausting. Eddie stood out in the front of the building, his arms wrapped around his torso to at least try to be warm. His bit his lips to stop his jaw from trembling by the harsh winds December had to offer- it was hell. 

"Boo." a voice behind him said abruptly, fingers lightly tapping the sides of his back. It made him jump, he turned around and was greeted by Richie grinning. "Jesus, Rich, don't scare me like that." Eddie breathed out, following Richie to his truck, resisting the urge to clasp their hands together.

"Lets do something fun," Eddie suggested, waiting for Richie to start the car, which took a while. "Like?" Richie asked, removing the key from the ignition and putting it back, and turning it forward. "I got enough for the roller rink," Eddie brought his knee up to his chest and fiddled with the laces on his shoes.

The engine finally started, "Sweet, my cousin works there. Maybe she can give us a discount, I dunno." Richie shrugged, looking in the rear and side view mirrors as he backed out. "I'll pay for it, Eds, don't worry about it." Richie reassured, he said it in a low voice.

"You okay?" Eddie asked, he new something was up, he usually didn't talk like that or avoid contact. Richie nodded, "Now that I'm with you, yes." he said as they drove down the road and as far away as possible from Derry High. Eddie wanted to know why, but he didn't like pushing things with Richie. 

Eddie put his hand over Richies which rested on the storage compartment, "Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked simply, looking up at Richies sharp facial structure. _God, he's beautiful_ , Eddie thought. The boy in the driver seat shook his head, and gripped Eddies hand tighter, watching the snow fall and take over the streets slowly.

* * *

"Rich!" Eddie laughed out, struggling to keep his own balance in the red, green, and blue lights above and around. Richie had went tumbling to the floor, as he tried to spin around and lost balance- so he was now laying on the floor. Eddie reached his arm out to help his helpless boyfriend, who only stumbled around more as he gripped Eddies arm because of the clanky and heavy skates they wore. 

Eddie was losing it, this had to have been the funniest thing he'd seen Richie do. Richie chuckled as he caught his balance, watching Eddie glide backwards to face him. "I guess spinning isn't your forte," Eddie calmed, almost completely ignoring the others racing past the two. 

Richie gasped, "Sorry, I'm no ballerina," he put his hand over his heart in defense. With that, Eddie twirled in front of him, giggling softly as Richie moved next to him. 

Eddie grabbed Richies hand and held it as he led him down the rink. Richie rode behind to him, when he picked up a familiar tune of a song, Come On Eileen. He danced rhythmically to the song, Eddie smiling and joining too. 

"Come on Eileen, oh I swear," Richie sang along, spinning Eddie around gently, "at this moment, you mean everything," he finished the line, as Eddie stretched his arm out from Richie. 

_How much more fun could life with Richie get?_ Eddie thought as he spun back into his arms. They didn't care. About the people watching around, about what they thought. Nothing. It was just them living their best lives. 

The smaller boy rode out of the rink, leaving Richie lost and confused- but he followed him out anyway. Eddie stomped the skates on the buildings carpet, figured it was more of a safety hazard if it was the wood tile that was actually in the rink. 

Eventually, he made his way to the food area. Richie finally caught up with him after tripping a million times. "Rich, do you wanna share a slushie?" Eddie asked, looking up from the cash he held. 

"I told you I'd pay," Richie laughed lightly, pushing Eddies cash down gently. "You pay for everything," Eddie pouted, shoving the money back in his back jean pocket. 

Richie put his hand on the opposite back pocket of where the money was, Eddie choked and coughed, giggling quietly. "Babe, we're in public!" the smaller boy whisper-shouted. "Eh, who's gonna see?" Richie whispered into his ear, sending chills down Eddies spine.

Eddie finally let Richie pay for the slushee, after debating over cherry or blue raspberry; they agreed on cherry because the blue raspberry gave a bubblegum aftertaste. 

"I love seeing you smile, Eds." Richie said, pushing his glasses up. Eddie only smiled bigger through the straw. 

"I love hearing you laugh." Eddie said back, reaching over to throw the empty cup away. 

Richie bit his lip, "You wanna head out?" he asked, bouncing his knee ever so lightly. Eddie knew what was going through Richies mind, his heart started to beat quickly, "Mhm," he hummed in response. 

So, they returned the rental shoes, got their actual shoes on, and made their way out. Richie laughed as Eddie walked uncomfortably at the feeling of the sneakers, not the skates; which made him elevated and, well, move without a lot of effort. 

The two hopped into the car, Eddies breathing quickening as he climbed over the middle of the car and straddled Richie, connected their lips. God, in the middle of broad day light in a public parking lot, sat two boys sucking the life out of each others mouths.

Eddie drew his hands up to the sides of Richies face like usual, and Richie gripped on Eddies hips, his hands making small circles near Eddies ass. 

The boy on top leaned backward to say something, when his back hit the center of the steering wheel, making a loud but short honk. 

Both jumped at the sudden noise, and laughed. Laughed so much it started to hurt their chests. Eddie reached down to Richies chest and gasped for air as he kept giggling, feeling as the taller boys chest hitched with sweet noises coming from his throat. 

Eddie sat up, more carefully this time, and stared into the eyes of the boy below him. He pecked his lips first, then his cheeks, his jawline, his forehead, his hair, his neck, his hands, and his lips again, then colliding into him with a warm hug.

"I love you," Eddie muttered into Richies neck. 

Richie felt his breathing stop for a second, like his lungs were collapsing by the fraction of a second. Everything in his body went cold, goosebumps taking over, making the hair on his arms stand up obediently. All his surroundings went blurry, the only things he could see were stars and the blackness they lived in. And his sun and moon, his everything right in front of him, with twinkling eyes.

"I love you too"


	7. stupid fucking liar

Beverly twisted the cap to her blue nail polish carefully, as she had just completed her nails. "Jeez, Rich, all that?" she asked, leaning back on her bed. Richie rolled his eyes, "Don't you think like..." he trailed off. 

"You're whipped, thats what I think." she cut him off, waving her hands to dry them. 

Richie shook his head and reached for his water bottle that rested on the floor below him. He swallowed the cold water, almost putting him in a state of shock from how freezing it was. "I wanna see him again," Richie breathed out. 

The redhead smiled, "Go," she said simply, she didn't care what Richie did, she was just glad he found something to keep him busy. 

Richie hesitated, he'd spent all his time with Eddie recently, it was like he forgot about his childhood friends and everything had just been EddieEddieEddieEddieEddie. He felt terrible about it, but they supported him. As far as the rest of them knew, Eddie was just Richies new friend, except, of course, Beverly. 

But, nonetheless, the two best friends made everything feel like it was the way it was before the final year of high school. Laughing, joking, fighting, bickering over stupid shit, eating all they could, dancing, generally enjoying each others company. 

It was rare though, Beverly usually always spent time with Richie, but just like him; she's busy with Ben. But, Richie left a few minutes after Alvin returned from work, the intimidating man in which he _hated_. 

* * *

Eddie placed the Slippery When Wet vinyl on his player, keeping it low as background noise. "Where are you going for college, Rich?" he asked, spinning around on the chair at his desk. He examined how tense Richie got at the question. 

"I thought about Yale, my mom says I'd be fit." he said simply. Richie didn't like the idea of going into reality, because as much as high school sucked, he wasn't ready. "Or Pennsylvania," Richie added, smirking slyly at Eddie.

The thing is, Eddie planned to go to Pennsylvania long before him and Sonia moved to Derry. Though, it'd be even better if Richie attended with him; that is, if he got in- and, quite frankly, Richie could get in any college he wanted to.

"Yale?" Eddie asked, like it sounded crazy, but it was pretty logical. "Leaving me like nothing," he joked, getting up and laying on Richies lap. Eddie played with his hair from where he was, stretching and twirling the taller boys curls.

Richie shook his head, "I wouldn't leave ya, Eds." he whispered, dragging his thumb softly over Eddies cheek repeatedly. He placed a small kiss on his nose and sighed, staring into his eyes desperately.

Eddies eyes began to swell with tears slowly, but it was visible. "Whats wrong?" Richie asked, concerned with furrowed eyebrows.

"I don't want this to be over," Eddies voice cracked, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I don't care about anything else."

Richie bit the inside of his cheek, watching as tears fell past Eddies eyes. "We can, baby. I'll marry you in Mikes backyard and anyone you want will be there." he consoled him, bringing the smaller boy up near his chest, where he curled in a ball and held onto Richies neck. 

"What do you want for Christmas?" Richie changed the subject, he knew what could lighten his mood. "You." Eddie sniffled, and sobbed a laugh out. 

Richie nodded, "I can make that work," he smiled, running his fingers through Eddies hair.

"Have you been okay? Like, mentally?" Richie asked, considering the fact he'd seen some things a few days ago. Eddie nodded lightly, feeling the small thumping of Richies heart. 

"A lot better." he mumbled.

Richie smiled into Eddies hair, and placed a kiss on his head. The taller boy closed his eyes, starting to blink slower and his breathing relaxed. He was soon sleeping, with Eddie still awake in his arms alone with his thoughts. 

The thoughts were soon cut, with the engine in the driveway roaring and tires screeching. Eddie jumped up, startling Richie awake. 

"Rich, baby, I'm sorry but you have to go, my moms home." Eddie apologized, Richie sat up in confusion and rubbed his eyes. 

Richie stood up, searching for his bag and hoodie, "Eds, wheres my stuff?" he panicked. The car shut off, Eddies heart thumped quicker and quicker, he lunged over to get Richies bag and tossed it over to him. 

"Just... here, take my sweater." Eddie spoke quickly and reached in his closet, rummaging for _something_. It happened to be pink. 

Richie threw it over his torso and pulled the window open, taking more time as it was locked. "Shit," he muttered. The front door opened, and his mothers footsteps immediately treaded toward Eddies room. 

The taller boy got it open, throwing his legs over the wall. Eddies bedroom door opened with Richie still standing by the window. _Fuck_. 

"Hi, Eddie- oh, what are you doing here?" Sonia said with her hands on her hips, glaring at Richie. 

"Oh, hi, Spaghettis mom, I'm his lab partner in chemistry and he, uh, left his notebook in my bag." Richie lied nervously, Eddies guts were spilling everywhere, twisting his fingers rapidly. 

"Why didn't you go to the door like a normal person would?" she asked, not convinced. 

"Uhh..." Richie dragged out.

"I was sleeping, I took a small nap and couldn't hear the door." Eddie interrupted them, Richie and Sonia darted their eyes at the small boy in the middle of the room. 

Sonia hummed and drew her eyes back to the suspicious boy at her sons window. "Is that Eddies sweater?" she asked, expecting him to give the act up.

Richie widened his eyes and looked at Eddie, who's breathing sped up and eyebrows were raised. "Spaghetti, you have this too?" he played off, tugging it lightly at the shoulder. 

Eddie smiled in disbelief, "I do, yeah." he chuckled lightly. _Damn, he was good at this. How many other people has he done this with?_ Eddie thought, and his demeanor changed. 

Sonia just stood at the door, "I suppose you should be on your way, bye Richard." she said, dismissing him by walking over to the window and shutting it, leaving Richie dumbfounded and walking away. 

Even if it was extremely good improv, Eddie was upset. It was too good to be true. He knew he wasn't the only one in Richies life- ever, as he had told him in the car a few days ago. _God, how stupid to believe Richie never did this before. Stupid fucking liar._


	8. storage closet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapters short bc i wrote sex in the car and i reread it and was super uncomfortable and felt bad for anyone else who would read it . so , i just cut out that part and its entirety . youre lucky you didn't read it , it was sO NASTY AWJHGF

Eddie didn't pick up any of the calls made on his line, because he knew it was Richie trying to get a hold of him and see what was wrong. But he didn't budge. Unfortunately, they were back at school. Monday, here we go again. 

The halls were filled, but most importantly _loud_. It hurt Eddies head, pounding, throbbing pain. He reached into his locker, placing his English notebook back and grabbing for his chemistry one. Once it was in his grip, the metal door slammed shut, jumping and turning around- faced with Richie.

"Hey, hot stuff," Richie smiled, his arm extended over Eddies arm. The smaller boy squinted in disgust and walked off. "Woah, woah, woah, whats up?" Richie asked as he caught up. 

"Nothing," Eddie lied quietly, continuing to walk into his chemistry class with Richie- which had to be the most unfortunate thing ever. Richie scoffed, "Well, somethings gotta be up if you're ignoring me like that, Eds." the taller boy said honestly. 

Richie groaned, dragging Eddie by the arm into the nearby storage closet. Eddie yelped, being shoved in as Richie locked the door. "Richie!" Eddie exclaimed, "We're going to be late." he said bluntly in the dark and tight room. 

"I won't let you out until you tell me whats wrong." Richie shoved his hands into his jean pockets. Eddie rolled his eyes, avoiding all contact. "You didn't answer any of my calls, wait for me this morning... you left me worried, Eds. Did you get in trouble or something?" he added, worried as hell. 

Eddie adjusted his posture, staring at the floor. "Alright, get comfortable. We can be here all day." Richie leaned against the door. Eddie scoffed and sat on the floor without saying a thing. "Eddie!" Richie said loudly and sternly, earning his attention.

Richie widened his eyes and spread his arms out, letting them flop against his thighs. Eddie looked back down, hardly able to see anything. 

"I'm not the only one, huh?" Eddie asked, finally speaking up, he gulped as the tardy bell rang. 

Richie furrowed his brows and brought his lips up, "What?" he questioned with absolutely no fucking clue what was going on. 

"You said I'm the only one. I'm clearly not, so who else?" Eddie confronted him confidently. Richie groaned and put his face in his hands, "Are you serious?" 

"Yes, I'm being serious are you fucking kidding me?" the boy on the floor raised his voice, the halls were now quiet, everyone being in class by now. "Where is this coming from?" Richie asked softer than Eddies voice. 

This was completely and utterly fucking stupid. None of it made sense to Richie. "How many windows have you snuck through? How many hoodies have you left at houses? How much improv have you done when you've been caught by their mom?!" Eddie exclaimed, feeling his body heat up like a fire was rising in his blood.

Richie rolled his eyes and rubbed them, "You're fucking ridiculous," he mumbled. "Huh?" Eddie said loudly, making Richie feel like an idiot. "Just answer the fucking question!" Eddies voice rose, "One!" Richie loudly cut him off before Eddie could finish that last word. "One, one, and fucking once, Eds." his voice calmed. 

Eddies shoulders relaxed, given the fact the 'one' was probably just him. "Ask Bev, Bill, Mike, _anyone_ I tell my shit to." Richie added on, his head still in his hands. 

"You're full of shit," Eddie pushed it. Richie scoffed, "You've gotta be fucking with me." he whispered, probably intending to keep it to himself, but Eddie heard it clear as day. 

Eddie dragged his knees to his chest. He wanted to kiss him so bad, bite his neck and whimper out his name, but, _how many other people have his lips touched? How many other people gave him love bites? How many other people have moaned out his name? **How many fucking people?!**_

Richie sighed out to say something, but simply couldn't. As much as he could've easily walked out, he didn't.

"I could lie and say a million people, I could lie and say five, sixty, eight, twenty two, all to solely piss you off. But no. You don't need that, because who else would? One, take that for a fucking- _mmph!_ " Richie said, making points clear, only crashed with Eddies lips.

The two grew heavy on the door, Eddie breathing heavy against Richies face. The taller boys hands crept towards Eddies ass, as Eddies made their way to Richies waist.

Eddie reached his lips to Richies neck, kissing above his collarbone, making Richie groan lowly but _fuck, it was hot._ "Is that your sweet spot, Rich?" Eddie asked seductively. Eddie felt Richies dick against his, it was so hot and humid in that small room. 

nownownownownownownownow

Richie pushed Eddie against the wall, for their lips to collide again. It was dark and they couldn't see very well, Eddie fell into some supplies. "Mm, Rich," he said in between the kiss. Richie pulled away, his large hand still on Eddies neck. "Not in here."


	9. peppermint and cigarettes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// s/h

Richies head rested on Eddies lap on his sofa, watching The Karate Kid. "Ralph Macchio is so hot," Eddie commented, stroking Richies damp curls as they had recently taken a shower- not together, of course. 

"Damn right." Richie replied, the door unlocking right after. They shot their heads in the direction, Maggie Tozier smiling at the two on the couch as she entered her home.

"Hi, boys. How was school?" she asked, locking the door and hanging her purse on the coat rack. Eddie stifled back a laugh. "Good," Richie replied, sitting up and wrapping his hand around Eddies thigh briefly. 

The two stood up to (properly) greet her, Richie hugging his mom and Eddie shaking her hand. "I'm Eddie, nice to meet you Mrs. Tozier."

"I know, honey. I'm told a lot about you," she grinned at Richie behind him, "please, call me Maggie." she kindly said. Eddies cheeks turned a bright pink as he smiled, walking back to the couch with Richie. 

They sat in the corner or the couch, Eddie laying on Richies side, and Richies hand on the back of Eddies thigh. "So, Eddie," Maggie began talking from the kitchen, "are you staying for dinner?" she asked, gathering her ingredients. 

Eddie thought for a second, looking up at Richie who was nodding rapidly, "Yeah, I'll stay." he replied, smiling at her. She nodded simply.

The boys finished the movie, just as dinner was done, it was roughly around 7:30. Eddie didn't even care about his mom screaming at him, or her asking why he was wearing baggy clothes, where he'd been the entire time. 

"Thank you, it was great." Eddie said as Maggie collected the dishes to wash. "Of course!" she exclaimed. 

"Rich, I gotta go, my mom probably called the cops already." Eddie said when they got to his room. Richie whined, "Why can't you stay?" he dragged out. 

Eddie kissed Richies cheek, "I can't, break is soon anyway. I will spend every single day with you." 

Richies arms snaked around Eddies waist, kissing his head, "Okay, baby, lets get rollin'."

* * *

"Edward Kaspbrak where in gods name were you?!" Sonias voice boomed as soon as Eddie stepped foot in the house, he rolled his eyes and sighed. 

He tried getting away and going straight to his room, but thats right where she was. _fuck_. "Sorry I was running with Bil-" he started, only to be cut off. "Where are your clothes?" she questioned with her arms locked behind her back. 

"I was getting to that before you cut me off," Eddie spoke up, "we were running and got all sweaty so he let me borrow his clothes." he lied. 

Sonia glared at him, "It looks awfully familiar," she said unmannerly. She pulled her arms out in front of her, revealing a polaroid picture of Richie in the exact same shirt Eddie was wearing. 

Eddies mind went blank, like he was spinning thousands of miles a minute, as if he would lose his balance at any given moment. He felt weak at his knees, entering nebulas that were light years away so rapidly. He felt panic rise in his chest. Eddies heart began to thump heavily, falling to his stomach. 

"You're friends with Richard Tozier?" 

The boy stared at the photo, like it was a foreign artifact. "Yeah, so?" he questioned nonchalantly, Richie _really_ changed the way he talked. 

"Do you know the things he's done?" Sonia asked, getting closer to Eddie. 

Eddie furrowed his eyebrows, "What?" 

"Hes bad, Eddie. Hes no good for you, smoking three packs a day and pocketing people on the street." 

How hilarious, Sonia making shit up for her son to be hers and hers only. She couldn't let him go though. Already nineteen as of November 9th, wondering and pleading where time went. 

Eddie looked at the tile lines below him, "He makes me happy," he mumbled quietly.

Sonia scoffed, "Oh, so you're gay now, Eddie?" she asked randomly. Eddie brought his eyebrows low and close to his eyes, not saying anything though. This is what made him so afraid of himself, the stigma and hate. 

He shook his head nervously, clueless of what to say next. Eddie stumbled on a mixture of words, Sonia crumbling the picture with her thick fingers. 

Eddie stormed to his room, shoving past Sonia and slamming his door. He wanted to scream, but he couldn't. _so stuck, so restricted._ Eddies breathing quickened, he ran his fingers through his hair, spinning in circles around the center of his room. 

He searched the bottom of his shelf, for a specific book he hated, but touched one too many times. Eddie flipped to the specific page, easily opened by the blocky- yet thin, silver object. He gulped the lump in his throat, and held it between his index finger and thumb. 

It was shiny, old, but clean, he didn't want to get, like, an infection that made his wounds worse. Eddie bit his lip and sighed heavily, he set it down in front of him and played his music loud. Eddie grasped it gently again, putting it between his teeth carefully and vertically. The boy rolled up the sleeve of Richies baggy and comfortable jacket. It was black and clearly old, the sweater smelled of peppermint and cigarettes by the wrist cuff.

Eddie leaned back beside the footboard of his bed, taking it out of the grip of his teeth. He breathed out shakily, and glided it across the inside of his arm. He sucked in air sharply at the feeling. _againagainagainagainagain_.

So, Eddie did what his mind told him to, and tore his skin open once more. He bit his lip and grunted, pulling the blade away quick. It was too late to realize how deep it was, with thick and red blood dripping down his tiny wrist. "Fuck," he mumbled, trying to bring his arm up, but it was limp. It was _numb_.

All he saw was his arm, even when his eyes weren't focused on it. Eddie put the blade back in the book and the book back in the shelf hastily with one arm.

The wounds were deep, he swore he hit a nerve or vein, because it stung. It stung worse than he'd ever felt. 

Eddie blearily made way to the box of his medical supplies, rummaging for his bandage wrap. He somehow managed to wrap the cuts, but he didn't care if he died on the spot like that; bleeding out helplessly. 

He wanted to hear Richies voice, let him know everything was going to be okay and hold him tight until they disappeared off his body. After it all, Eddie fell asleep, the blood rushing and seeping past his bandage. 

_RichieRichieRichie I want RichieRichieRichie right nownownow._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh this made me sad as ive gone thru something so similar to this BRB CRYING 
> 
> also chap 10 coming right after this


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